For me, being pregnant was no fun at all, but the result was totally worth all the puking and pains. I am so happy for you!
So, what has been going on with me you ask?? So glad that you did :)
I have been off for 9 weeks from work, with a week and a half left. I am supposed to go back to work June 30th, but I have applied for a new job, and as soon as I here if I got it, I will be turning in my 2 weeks notice. Although, since I will still have 110 hours of time off left, I plan to just extend my FMLA time, and not go back to that position at all. That job was sucking my will to live... plus my son is only going to be this little once, so I am not going to put him in daycare until the last possible minute, which right now is confusing anyways, since his daycare spot is not open yet! Hows that for a run-on sentence?
My bud Joey has a blog, and since he put me on his roll, its only fair that he goes on mine... even though I want to kype his theme. Purple and green are my favorite colors. I should buy a domain... I'll eventually check out godaddy.
I'm just hanging out with Cameron, trying to stay out of downtown which is a mess right now. With all the flooding, everyone is trying to get on top of the levee to see what water. You know, its human nature. Everyone loves a train wreck. The more damage and destruction, the more people want to see what is going on.
If you want to see my beautiful boy, he has his own blog. Check it out.
ok, I mostly post over on my "family friendly" blog now. I probably wont be here much, not that I have been recently. check out my other blog at
http://cameron421.blogspot.com
I feel like I have dropped off the face of the earth. Being pregnant totally sucks, I have no good drugs that I can take to feel better. So, here I be.
I have a c-section scheduled for Monday the 21st, so that is good (I guess). Nothing like major abdominal surgery to make me feel more chipper!
These are actually more for me than for you :) But feel free to read this guys site. I'm doing my pre-baby research on taking photos :)
This is the bedding that we have chosen for Cameron's Room. We love the furniture, it was just a pain to put together. We painted the walls "Adventure Orange". Its definitely more of a citrus than a pastel. We are going to have to take all the furniture apart again, and ship it back once the "replacements" come. They should be here this weekend. We got an older set off the shelves apparently, and the white color is not a true white, its more of a cream. So, this would not have been a huge deal except that one of the drawers were damaged, so they have been unable to send us a drawer front in the right shade. So, because I demanded that the set match, we are sending EVERYTHING back, and getting a new set in bright white. Its a big pain, but hopefully this will be the end of the drawer fiasco.
I'm home today with severe round ligament pain. I worked for 4 hours from my couch. Ah, the joys of pregnancy :)
Joy! (Sarcasm)
There is a thick layer of ice on the ground, trees, roads, pretty much anywhere that you look this morning. Not at all a fun weekender.
Not that we had any big plans for today. Last night was supposed to be DH's big work Christmas party, but it was cancelled due to weather.
We got some christmas shopping done yesterday, which is good since we are behind this year. We were done by Thanksgiving last year, and this year I think we still have 4-5 people to buy for before we are done.
We will probably wrap the stuff that we have so far, if I can find the wrapping paper.
DH is making waffles for breakfast this AM, and they smell really good. I am hungry. I didnt feel good last night, so I slept through dinner.
CreativeXpress is apparently done this AM, which is not good, considering that I have a whole day of nothing to!
Hope everyone else is having a good day, and if it is Icy, stay home :)
Finally! I can feel Cameron moving. The past couple weeks I havent really been able to tell if it was him, or just a weird bubble sensation. Well, now I am sure, because it is happening so frequently.
Its a really odd sensation. Mostly about an inch below my navel. Reminds me of a goldfish swimming in a bag and lightly bumping the sides. Nothing that you can feel from the outside of course, but I can :)
We have been working on his nursery. It has a Train theme, and we really like it. When we get some stuff up on the walls, I will post pictures :)
But this is Hysterical! I bet this couple is a hoot!~
Hey. Alright. So, as you can tell, brand new blog template! It is not something that I would typically use, but tonight I feel like a big change is needed.
The increased dose of Zolft is finally working, and I can tell in a big way. I still don't have much energy, but I am coping well.
I'm a pirate scrapbooker :) Hey! Pirates are HOT in the industry this year!!
Plan to go to St Louis this weekend, and of course, the weather is supposed to be awful. The actual term on DH's cell forecast this AM was "Ice Pellets". Why!!! This is the weekend we are going to do almost all of our Christmas Shopping, not to mention doing our baby registry! This totally sucks! Hope for the ice to be minimal, and that we will still be able to go, or no one gets to have a christmas this year :)
Hey! I am still alive, or at least I have a pulse.
Second appointment today, and all things looked good. Baby's heartbeat was great, and it didnt take long to find it, so that is good. My next appointment is November 20th, when hopefully the bean will cooperate and we will find out if it is a he or she.
I have kinda fallen off the face of the earth as far as my normal websites go. I have no energy at all, barely enough to get out of bed in the morning and go to work, then I come home on lunch, and sleep. I get home from work, fall onto the couch, and go to sleep. Then Kevin wakes me up so that I can go to bed and sleep. Sleeping is pretty much the only thing I can do lately. Even going to Wal-mart for groceries kills me. I'm starting the 2nd trimester now, so hopefully life will start to perk up. I'm nauseated all the time, but at least I haven't thrown up in 2 days. That is progess I guess.
So, that is me :) Not as sad thanks to Zoloft, which is basically the only thing getting me to work in the AMs, but that is it. So, I am still alive, I'm just unconsious for most of the hours I'm not at work :)
Ultrasound went well. I'm going to be the proud parent of a jumping bean. Heart Beat of 160 per minute, so if you believe the old wives tale, its a girl! (hopefully!)
It's been a while since my last confession... or post, or whatever.
My first appointment with my OB is tomorrow. DH is coming with me. My nausea is a little better, not throwing up as much, just feel uneasy all the time.
I keep having all these weird feelings though.
I'm positive that this is a boy. I'm not sure why I am so positive. maybe because I want a girl so badly.
Two weeks ago, I started thinking that this is probably twins. Two boys.
I have this feeling that although tomorrow I should be measuring 9w6d that I will actually measure around 5 weeks, or there will be an empty sac, or that something terrible has happened, and I won't go to term. Granted, there is no history of any of these issues in my family, but I feel like I will be the first.
I won't be able to relax until after the ultrasound tomorrow. I want to see/hear that heart beat to prove that I really do have something growing in there. Completely neurotic and irrational, yup, thats me.
My ex's grandmother died Friday. Her visitation is tonight. She was one of my favorite patients. Normally, I go to all my patient's funerals or at least their visitations. I am not going to this one because I was told that my ex is not "allowed to talk to me". We haven't seen eachother in 9+ years. Email maybe 2-3 times a year, and this has never been an issue before. I'd like to know what happened or changed to make his wife freak out and forbid him from speaking to me. I've never had anyone not be "allowed" to talk to me, and honestly I am not handling it too well. We are adults for gods sake! At any rate, I just went by and signed her memory book prior to the family getting there, that way I still feel like I paid my respects, and didn't take a chance on causing any problems with ex's family.
I am glad that my DH trusts me enough to not be so uptight. Granted, if he told me that I wasn't "allowed" to do anything, we would have to have a serious boundary issue discussion, and there had better be a damned good reason for him to make such a request. Then, if he had good reason, I would take in under serious advisement, but I am still an adult, and would continue to do what I choose, within reason. Ask my mom, forbidding me to do anything just encourages me to pursue said activity with more drive.
Our Mutual friend Joey knows the story... however he has not seen fit to share at this time. Grrr... Why can't we all just get along?
Do you realize how awesome you both are? I love you both so much! You rock.
This. pregnancy. Sucks.
Ok, there. I said it. I'm almost 8 weeks and I am ready for this to be over. There is nothing happy about this. I truely feel like my life, and all that I had planned for my life is over. I'm screwed. Shit out of luck.
And now, I feel even worse for hating this so much. If I miscarry, I know I am going to completely blame myself for not being all happy and bubbley over this.
I never really wanted kids. I wanted a career. I wanted freedom. I wanted a life that did not revolve around diapers and feedings. Does that make me selfish? Yeah, it probably does, but I really don't give a shit at this point. This is so incredibly fucked up.
I am sick all the time. Morning sickness? Try always-sickeness. I am light headed, can't change positions without feeling worse. I am stuck in a job that I hate because otherwise when it gets here, I will have no maturnity leave or benefits. My head hurts, I can't take my migraine meds, or my meds for depression, this makes me an extremely fun person to be around. I love to drink, can't do that, smoking is calming, can't do that either. I kickbox to relieve anxiety, and guess what?? Can't do that either.
So, basically what I can do it sit around getting fat again being a human incubator. yeah, this is exactly what I had planned for. Feeling worthless, and sick, and not being able to do a damn thing about it. I'm hungry all the time, and if I don't eat, the nausea is worse. Pants are already getting tight. Great.
I've been trying to figure out what is going on in my occupied uterus at this point, so I have been frequenting babycenter.com.
Today, I went there, and just continued to get more and more pissed. I WANT to be happy about this. I would love to say that this is exact what I wanted. But, it all honesty, it is not. If it was up to me, I would crawl into a dark hole, and not come out until I wake up from this dream-world-paradox and my life was actually mine again.
I'm going to be a shitty mother. Atleast I feel that way right now. Who else would be writing this in their blog but a bad mother? I should be all sunshine, bluebirds and butterflies. Pass me a baby bottle? No thanks, Id much rather have a margarita.
Well Folks. After a lot of talk, heart to hearts, and weighing all our options, we will not be pursuing moving to St Louis at this time.
I am upset, and this is not what I want, but I have come to the realization that this is not about what "I" want anymore. Its about what is best for my family. DH has turned down the job today, and I will be signing a 2 year contract with my current employer which will result in a state award that will cut my student loans by 10,000 dollars.
One consideration is money. We wouldn't come out any further ahead by moving. We wouldn't come out behind either, it would all balance out.
Another consideration is medical. Being a nurse, I have inside information as to the personalities, and workings of the hospital and clinics here. That makes me more comfortable with my prenatal care, as well as my delivery and aftercare. I already have an OB/GYN here, and I am comfortable with that. I'm not sure that now would be the time to learn a whole new medical system.
Leave is also to be considered. Here, I will have about 3 months of leave saved up by the baby's due date. There is no way that I would have enough time off to take a full 10-12 weeks of leave if I started a new job. That is really important to me. Plus, although I do not enjoy my job, it is very flexible, and I have a lot of autonomy. I can take off whenever I need to, I'm salaried, and have a state retirement/benefits package that can't be beat. DH has a lot of time saved as well, which he would not have if we started over. This was given a lot of weight in our decision.
This is so not what I had planned. I wanted to get out of small town America and experience a different side of life. A place where the town doesn't close down at 9pm. And this is not to say that it will never happen, but for now, it can't. The excitement of the city will now be replaced by the excitement of our new family member. Free time will be much less, and much different now, so the lifestyle that I had hoped to have would not be possible anyways. Time to focus on my pregnancy, and getting ourselves ready for a huge change.
So, there it is. Its the right decision for my family, and regardless of what I feel like I am losing, my family means more to me than all the possibilities of the bigger city. Here's to new life goals and different challenges. The decision to stay has been made, now its time to look forward to the new things to come.
I'm sure our journey, although not the one we had planned, with be even more exciting than the one we had planned for. Its all about perspective. And we are thrilled the the new experiences coming. Life will never be the same!
Welcome little embryo, we are doing our best to get ready for you. You are our first, and I am sure we will make plenty of mistakes, but we will learn what we need to know together. See you in the Spring :)
A week ago, ask me if we were moving. The answer would have been an immediate YES~
As me today? I am clueless. We are pretty sure that DH got that job in Clayton. But, driving 45 minutes each way back and forth to work everyday seems excessive, especially when there are banks on every block. And, the house that we fell in love with is now under contract... and I didnt see anything else that interested me.
On Monday, I found out that I was pregnant. This is ok, im settling in to the idea of parenthood. But, then that adds maturnity leave. At my current job, I have 6 weeks of sick time sitting there, waiting to be used. If I quit, I lose it. My job right now sucks, but it is flexible. And it pays enough, especially since we are not smoking (that is not that bad, really) to be able to afford our house, and all that. If I start a new job, there will be no way that I will have enough time saved up to be able to take 6 weeks off, plus have 4 weeks of vacation, plus all the comp time that I will build up between now and then.
Plus, I have my friends here, and my mom and grandma. Not that they are all that involved in my day to day life, but at least they would be here if I really need them.
Here is another bonus to staying. 10,000 dollars to pay off some of my student loans. All I have to do is sign a contract that I will continue in my current job for 2 years from the beginning of August. That would pay off my MOHELA completely, then I would only have my Wells Fargo left to pay on. I would have to commit to this job until July 31, 2009.
Im feeling lost and overwhelmed. What would you do in my shoes? I really need advice.
3 tests later, I guess there is not much doubt :)
My first OB appointment in September 18th. That seems so far away... but at that time we should be able to hear the heartbeat. That will be cool :)
Still haven't heard from Dh's interview. Still in love with that house we found.... and oh yeah.....
I'm Pregnant! Head is spinning. I'm shocked, scared, excited, and nervous all at once. Goal Number 1? Quit smoking in the next 2 weeks.
We found a house that we both love. Its in St Peters. DH's interview went well, and we are expecting to hear back by the end of this week for a second round of interviews. Exciting stuff happening!
We tried to hook up with Toad, but alas, it was not to be! My husband has now been introduced to Pizza Street. Good pizza, and cheap!
We got new cell phones. We both got Razrs. I have had fun programing all the different ring tones for different callers. My husbands ringtone is "I'm a believer" by Smashmouth. My general ring tone is American Pie. I might get tired of hearing that all the time, but I can always change it :)
So, if I have your number, so you have any requests of what your ring tone should be?
These are never good. Early this AM, my Grandpa Charlie died from a massive heart attack. He was a great man, and I wish I could have been there to say good-bye.
Today I am sad.